24 Months Sober

A Major Milestone in a Lifelong Journey with Alcohol

The last time I had a drink was Thanksgiving dinner 2022. We had all gathered at my girlfriend’s and my house, the weather was great, the house was filled with the buzz of our families. Outside, we had a fire pit rolling and beautifully prepared food inside. I didn’t drink too much that day, as I had been toying with the notion of going sober for a while. I had a cocktail or two in the afternoon and some wine with dinner. There was no dramatic fight, no one dropped a wine glass, no regretful things were said, and the event went really well.

It had gotten to the point where I couldn’t enjoy being intoxicated unless I was safe at home with my girlfriend. Drinking in public was making me increasingly uncomfortable and my tolerance for a hangover was nonexistent. My hangovers had become epic day-long battles. Sometimes I would wake up feeling fine, even euphoric and then slowly as the day would drag on, I’d get sicker and sicker. Food would sometimes trigger my symptoms, and I might even vomit late in the afternoon when I had really overdid it the night before.

I woke up the day after Thanksgiving and I was certain that I had had enough of alcohol. I knew that we had hosted a nice event and everyone had had a great time, but I didn’t enjoy the way I felt. I didn’t enjoy obsessing over the captain’s log of everything that had happened the day prior. The ritual was no longer bringing me joy. I knew I had to make a change. I had gone sober for 9 months a few years back, but I had eventually began to drink again.

I used to enjoy the high, staying up late listening to records, sipping on whiskey. My adult drinking didn’t harm anyone…but myself. No one else knew my struggles. We become adept at hiding our blemishes. I was a professional at living with my alcoholic tendencies. I accepted that life might always be that way. Slightly hungover, slightly sick, slightly fatigued, slightly depressed.

For much of my life, I had had the mindset that life is basically hard and a little bit boring, so you should drink to add excitement and levity. My worries and fears could disappear. The music sounded better. The sex was more adventurous. Friendships were more spontaneous. While these things had been somewhat accurate for a period, the aftermath had become more painful than before. The hangovers had worsened, the anxiety had become unbearable. I didn’t like the body that I saw in the mirror. What I was longing for, was to be someone that I could look up to. I wanted to be someone who got things done, someone who read books, someone wrote articles, someone who had a successful business and had a great physique.

I realized there was zero chance I could be the man that I truly wanted to be, and also drink alcohol. I could be a so-so man, with a so-so body, and a so-so mind, with a so-so attitude, but that wasn’t acceptable any more. I wasn’t in the business of having an so-so life. I wanted a great life.

Here I am, 24 months later. I’ve read 30 books this year, I’ve competed in 3 races and ran 235 miles this year, I have a successful personal training business, and I’ve been with the same romantic partner for 8 years. I am committed to a few great friends. I’ve gotten back into going to concerts and fitness conventions. I travel more. I have a solid grip on my finances. My health and fitness is on point and my physique has improved. My strength is up, and I’m pushing for big weightlifting goals. I am more consistent, more disciplined and more physically confident than ever before.

Yet, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. I’m still someone who struggles with their mental health. I would say that I have improved by 20–25% in my OCD and General Anxiety symptoms since becoming sober, yet I’m not cured. I truly hoped that by quitting drinking it would solve all my emotional and mental problems, yet that is not the case. Improved? Yes. Fixed? No.

Another challenge is that my social life is all but nonexistent. I recognize that I lack a sense of community that used to be much easier to come by: Golfing and drinking. Riding bikes and drinking. Happy Hours and Dinner Parties. People who used to reach out don’t reach out anymore. My life seems more internalized now. I spend more time alone, focused on reading, writing, lifting weights and thinking. These are the things that became my focus, when I stopped drinking.

When you quit drinking, it doesn’t happen in a vacuum, it is part of the whole package of life. Something else will fill in the void. For me it has been fitness, discipline, healthy eating, personal growth, financial stability, relationship and communication efforts have all been a major focus. The old thought patterns, emotional issues, and mood issues are all still there. Becoming sober, you have to be prepared to accept that it might get worse before it gets better. You may need to develop new skills, grow your emotional intelligence, enhance your mood, and focus more on sleep and self care.

I am proud of myself. Past me would not have made it this long. I have no regrets and I have no intentions to stop being sober. I don’t want to undo all my hard work and effort with an alcoholic drink. Don’t get me wrong, I have driven by a bar or a liquor store and have had fantasies, but those are fleeting moments. It’s a lot easier to let those sensations pass and move onto the next behavior that is more likely to make me feel a sense of pride. Being sober, being accountable, being committed and being kind to myself are way more important.

There is much more to discover in my sobriety. I have more to learn about myself, and I think the sober me is the person I want to continue to develop. I’m not mad at myself for drinking all those years. I didn’t have any peers or mentors who could show me any other way. I’m happy there are more people out there who are having sober experiences alongside me. Many members of the Medium community have been instrumental in my success. My old pal George has been a guidepost for my sobriety, knowing that he has lived a few years sober gave me the confidence I needed to power on in my moments of weakness. My girlfriend has also been a major supporter of my sobriety.

I hope that I’ve inspired others. I believe that sobriety is a major component to a well lived life. It may be the foundation for a lot of my best days on earth. I’m proud and honored to be sober. Being sober hasn’t solved all my problems, but it has helped me to better understand myself and provided me with more empathy in order to live a more fulfilling life.

Thanks for reading.

xoxo Jesse